Letter to Annalisa

Hi Annalisa,

Being engaged is frightening and at the same time it's relaxing. I like it in that I don't worry about having to deal with other men. I show them the ring and they back off.

It is frightening when I think of having kids though. I don't want to lose all my free time. Children are loving and they are worth the trouble. However, I would like to have a life outside of them. I've made this clear to Brian. I want to have a life outside of them for my sanity and so that they can see that a parent can and should do that (so that when they are adults they can have the same thing if that's what they want). I don't feel like my mom had a life outside of me and my brothers. It made her unhappy in a way. My mom wanted to go to school...then I came along and that was thrown out the window. My mom wanted to skate more...then I came along and that got thrown out the window. My dad always had something outside me and my bros b/c he worked outside the home in a stimulating job. My mom um...drove a bus. I'd like to have my life with a family look more like it did for my dad. I'd like my kids to see both of their parents happy and fulfilled both in their lives in relation to their children and professional development. Some part of me is afraid that I'll end up unhappy and stuck at home feeling caged. My fears are very much calmed by the fact that I've told Brian how I feel and he's has assured me more than once that he doesn't intend, in any way, to abandon me with MOST OF THE RESPONSIBILITY concerning kids.

It is also a little initmidating to promise that I'll send the rest of my life with Brian. But my love of him and my feeling of wanting to commit to being with him lessens that fear a lot.